I’ve been real heartbroken in the past few days
I don’t know how to start
I should start with the thing I think about the most- someone I
Summers in the air, isn’t it? Never lived a February so hot (and painful).
I didn’t know how to open this page of my journal on here. Let’s face it- I am not writing no work of fiction over here.
But I still have it- my journal- right next to me. And I will write from it, what I’ve been wanting to say. To myself, to people who read what I have to say. I always say I write to live, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be living. And if I don’t put meaning to what I write by putting it out here, it will stop making sense. I’d be fooling myself, with stories I’ll never learn to tell.
Armageddon(ˌɑːrməˈɡedn) - any great and crucial conflict
I told you last time how for every moment in present, I’ve been finding myself lost in the past. In one of these illicit escapades, I laid there thinking about being in a slump. But I’ve failed to get out of it every single time since covid or something. Of course, I’ve studied and exercised and read and everything else that the internet tries to fit into a productivity spectrum over the past few years. But I’ve found it quite hard to have faith in the process.
If there’s a distraction, in the back of my mind- I always know I’m bound to be distracted. That sounds not so important until you DO get distracted and have to climb out of a slump. Deal with grief or pain or sadness or anger that you’ve we trying to before it became too much and you had to distract yourself to shut the pain. **sighs
And when you do manage to get out of a slump, the life makes less sense. Or maybe just you had gotten used to some other life and need time and space to adapt to change.
Back to me, the free will seems to have lost on me. And hence to live the life I really live- I have to do everything but plan. I can never plan. If I plan, I’ll fail because I’ll strive so hard to follow that plan. Freedom is scary, spontaneity seems dangerous. But what is life if not a bunch of risks?
Comfort is ruins, free life forever and ever.
Soon, Sid.
"I’ve studied and exercised and read and everything else that the internet tries to fit into a productivity spectrum over the past few years. But I’ve found it quite hard to have faith in the process." - I feel this so deeply. Describing it as having faith is so apt. Love this one, Sid!